When most people think of domestic abuse, they think of bruises and broken bones. But domestic violence doesn't have to get physical; in fact, domestic abusers use emotional and psychological abuse to control and manipulate their partners even in the absence of physical abuse. In some cases, verbally abusive relationships never become physically abusive, but in others, emotional abuse is merely a precursor to physical abuse.
Put-Downs, Threats and Manipulation Constitute Domestic Abuse
Emotional and psychological abuse are forms of domestic violence in which the abuser uses insults, threats and manipulation to wield control over the other partner. Emotional abuse damages self-esteem and can lead to depression and other psychological symptoms. When emotional abuse becomes severe, it can limit the abused partner's progress in life by limiting access to employment, education and social events.
Emotional abusers may seem unreasonably jealous, limit their partners' movements and social contacts, or use physical intimidation tactics (such as throwing objects or threatening violence) to control their partners. Their actions leave the abused partner feeling controlled, isolated, frightened, manipulated and uncertain of his or her self. The abused partner often feels entirely at fault for the problems in the relationship.
The Tactics of Emotional Abuse
According to Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, emotionally abusive partners behave in some of the following ways:
- They retaliate when their partner complains about abusive behavior, perhaps with sarcasm, ridicule or even by escalating the abusive behavior.
- They insist they aren't to blame for problems in the relationship. They may become defensive and hostile when called upon to talk over problems in the relationship.
- They blame their partners for being upset about abusive treatment and may force their partners to accept insincere apologies.
- They deny that they've mistreated their partners or may blame their partners for causing the mistreatment.
Emotional abusers may cause their partners to lose jobs or convince them to drop out of school. They may take advantage of their partner's financial situation. They discourage their partners' ambitions and deride their abilities. They may attempt to damage their partners' relationships with friends and family.
The line between emotional and physical abuse sometimes blurs. Emotional abusers may never actually strike their partners, but they may punch walls, throw objects, grab, push, poke, restrain or threaten in order to frighten and intimidate the other. They may use physical force or verbal manipulation to coerce sex. In many cases, emotionally abusive relationships become physically abusive with time.
Psychological Abuse is a Form of Violence
If your partner ridicules you, mocks you or humiliates you on a regular basis, then you could be the victim of domestic abuse. If your partner limits your movements, controls your contact with friends and family, or uses verbal abuse and manipulation to deride your abilities and limit your access to employment and education, then you could be the victim of emotional abuse.
While emotional and psychological abuse may never escalate into physical violence, it remains a serious problem. Victims of emotional abuse suffer from lowered self-esteem and crippling self-doubt; they may even succumb to depression. Often, emotional abuse precedes dangerous physical violence in abusive relationships. If you or someone you know is a victim of emotional abuse, seek domestic abuse help.
Sources:
Bancroft, Lundy. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Penguin Books. New York. 2002. Print.
Marjorie McAtee - I hold a BA in English and French from Hollins University, where I spent the best years of my life. I've been writing since I was old ...
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